Do I Work Too Much?
In today’s society, usually both partners have to work. The days where the mother can stay at home are gone and along with it goes the joy of raising kids. Day cares and babysitters now have the responsibility of instilling values instead of the parents. Relationships tend to get stretched when both partners have the stress of demanding careers. The feeling of being alone or not being important to your partner will cause problems on one side or on both sides. Is the only answer to quit your job? There are so many people relying on you that it’s just easier to drown yourself in work. It is always “acceptable” to be working. No one questions your parenting ability, your faithfulness or getting the job done, but you feel that you are missing a lot from this life.
Scheduling Versus Boundaries
There’s an old saying that “if Mama ain’t happy then no one is happy” meaning if you keep your partner happy then things will go smoother in your relationship. Scheduling time to spend with each other is almost out of the question, until bedtime and by then you are both worn out and just want to go to sleep. Then come the arguments, the sarcastic remarks, along with the alone feeling. You try to talk about it but each blames the other when in all reality it is both of you. How can you fix something when you cannot or will not accept your role in the problem? Is it pride? Do you have to be right no matter what or do you have the ability to look in the mirror and own who you are?
The first thing you both need to look at is how much time you actually spend at work. There are only 24 hours in a day of which you spend 6 to 8 hours sleeping. That only leaves 16 hours including the drive to and from work, time with your partner and time for kids. You can divide the time up any way you would like but life will happen and plans will change. So instead of trying to stick to a schedule lets establish boundaries.
Work Boundaries –
This boundary is to set aside time for work if your hours are 8am to 5pm plus the drive to and from the location, then you have already put in at least 10 hours for work. Although, for the workaholic, there is never enough time to finish work, you must leave that 10 hours alone. It is for nothing but work, your career, your advancement, and your training. Also your partner will need to understand if you work at home that you are “at” work while there. Sure you can take off during that time to run an error but it is still your work time.
Now out of the 24 hours, you have about 6-7 hours left of the day. Your partner deserves some of your time and so do your children.
Partner Boundaries –
This boundary is to set aside a few hours for your partner. There are several options for this boundary like date night where you take your partner out on an actual date. There is also the option of daily time like a few hours before bedtime. Whatever you decide is best for you and your partner make sure that no phone calls or other distractions interrupt your time together. A strong marriage must have love, time and your best effort to help it grow and stay strong.
Family Boundaries –
This boundary is to set aside a few hours for your entire family. During this time, your interest should be focused on what your children are doing. Do they have friends? Do they fit into certain groups? Is there a bully bothering them? Going over homework with them shows that their education is important to you. It also gives you a chance to see what they are studying. The parents are responsible for what is taught to their child since schools have moved away from traditional teaching. You want your child to have some sense of right and wrong and it should come from you not society. Ignoring your child will teach them that they cannot rely on you and they will have to find themselves through other means.
This is also a set time for family planning. If you want to take your kids to the zoo on Saturday at 12 noon and you know it will take at least 3 hours to see everything. Turn your phone off, this is your family time! Focus on them so they can enjoy their time with you.
Boundaries are important so try your best to keep each one separate from the others. If you have found that this does not work for you, we have included the link to workaholics anonymous. They have the time to go deeper into why you want to drown yourself in work plus go over what’s missing. It is a great place to find out more about yourself plus no one else needs to know! Click on this link to get the starter kit electronically.
Feel free to come see what else 1Desire can help with your marriage.